Isolation: Foreword by Kit Carruthers

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Isolation basically leaves you two options: Become socially psychologically destroyed and way even deeper than that psychologically destroyed or become socially psychologically super powered and otherwise not so much more of a mental strength imprint than any other negative experience, however generally it is prolonged, so, you're building up quite a lot of strength. It's a really good mental strength imprint, however, it has darkly superior in it. To survive isolation you generally need schizoid and or sociopath, obviously the winner is deep emotional repression and processing dysregulation. Now social engagement rejection don't so much bother you, you're never going to make an embarrassing scene over somebody disliking you. You're not going to be caught doing the reach for friends and looking pathetic, you'll just let them come to you and you're all cool and casual and impressive. But, no matter how well compartmentalized, you're always deeply horrified of the potential deep emotional isolation from those you love. Generally this is impossible, generally if this happens it will only ever happen accidentally, but, if it happens accidentally you know forever this is somebody you will never be able to love again. They trigger the feelings of isolation. No, if it's properly compartmentalized that does not mean pure warm coddle me at all times never once make a mistake, no, it has to be a pretty severe mistake.

With my parents I established the isolation very early on. It seems they wish to be in their own little world of "We don't have a dysfunctional family like the ones we came from due to the strength of our parenting." So I just leave them alone and let them think they're doing anything, however they teach me absolutely nothing I automatically see how all of this advice will end up being harmful or magically mysteriously turning me into some other person that more closely resembles the inferior them, it all rings of psychotically frightened of life keep it safe and entirely ignorant to the nature of all people whether or not they trigger the feelings of psychotic paranoia, all they do is make decisions to force happiness that always ruin my happiness and take control of situations in order to demonstrate they're oblivious idiots with no handle on how to do anything at all that once almost ended on my death. It was putting me in an alone tent when I was three camping in Jasper because I guess they wanted to fuck on a mountain, I got bronchitis, permanent tissue scaring, and now whenever I cough it sounds like I'm near death, however I can still inhale mass quantities of smoke without any issue whatsoever. The near death cough is not painful it's actually quite satisfying. They were constantly trying to reassure themselves they were horrible parents, I kept giving them basically "It's fine nobody died." I sensed in this moment, semi-consciously very nearly fully consciously that they were thinking "Oh woe is me what fate hath mysteriously befallen us." I could feel that any attempts to engage with real feelings would end on them in their own little world of my own personal crying darkness as they say "It's OKAY, you can still love us you evil child. Jesus." So I just knew in this moment, you don't be emotionally honest with this type of people. I guess some people just do that. You just put up an emotional wall at them and don't feed them anything.

Only child, all I have is my parents. They seem a little... semi-consciously upset with me when I wish to engage with the outside. I have to cut it off, I have to cut them out of all feelings. I know I either have the full love for my parents and be a Branch Davidians baby, every now and then... Getting a look... At little... Moments... Of leak... Blatant displays of their deep Satanic cult of the self psychotic thinking. I have this or I have isolation.

Before school age, I would only ever play with girls, girls are soft and warm and flowers and their annoying problems annoy me less than the boys annoying problems. Usually. Not always. I'm not soft and warm and flowers, I'm pretty typical masculine, but, I strongly dislike how the seemingly typical masculine seems to be presenting itself within the children of this age group. The boys of my level of cognitive functioning I kinda found boring, not all of them obviously but it was rare that I was ever overly interested. Yeah but at that age girls are crazy they haven't learned yet. No they have not, they're still soft warm flowers, crazy soft warm flowers. At our level of cognitive functioning especially, considerably more aware of their crazy. At this age both sides of gender at our level of cognitive functioning label both sides of gender about tied. It... The only people who are not crazy in childhood are the people who get the hard conservative hammer, they're still crazy but it's hammered and so it's staying there forever. I'm not saying let your children run wild and free, just, no conservative thought surveillance all the way to the final solution. I have to keep it in when I engage with the masculines at school age that I only hung out with girls, because they're level two cognitive functioning and they know girls naturally fall into societal education.

Eventually, I met my perfect man love match, Caylin Shirran, I had the best friend I've been wanting my entire life and he became my deep obsession, as I him. We're the similar type of masculine sub feminine, we're not feminine but we embrace aspects of feminine behaviours that properly compliment our masculine. YES, father yes I did cry once because Caylin Shirran couldn't come over to play, that was probably the weirdest thing you ever saw in your life, wasn't it? When Caylin Shirran is over I am in the beautiful world of friends with Caylin Shirran, when he isn't I know I live with you people. He came from the military school, it was about to close down, he introduced me to a lot of very fun military kid evil thinking. However when the school did close down and all of his other friends came over to our school, I got to meet his former best friend who was still kind of reaching for Caylin's best friend-ness and Caylin sorta kinda had to give it to him sometimes a little but not really and we knew we didn't really get to acknowledge this but we both had this acknowledged, that other kid is too stupid to understand it anyway. That other kid, however, introduced me to the military kid psychological torment game of every time you want to get anywhere near them to play with them they run away from you and isolate you. Take my best friend and isolate him from me. At the time this was the most confusing possible out of this world break of everything human interaction is supposed to be, I didn't know what to do with it. This isn't how reality is supposed to operate, this isn't a thing that happens within the world of real people. But, now, basically all I can think towards it is "Oh that's a good isolation." You're not SUPPOSED to, though, you're not SUPPOSED to just go unleashing this kind of pure evil militaristic psychological torment upon the civilians. This is meant to be contained within you people, but, I'm glad you did it. You little weasel. You didn't even use it right, you used it sad. It's supposed to be lose yourself into the unit or else, it isn't supposed to be become acceptable to me socially or else. I know how it is with military kid psychology, you took that real serious, SHUT UP WEINER. YOU'RE FINE.

So, grade three through the first part of grade nine I was basically stuck in a group of friends I hated, they were constantly tormenting me, the only one I truly liked was Caylin Shirran. However eventually when I would get some of them alone they all pretty much turned into people I liked, except for one of them, but nobody liked that one. Jordan Shelest, the son of a bully cop. But he thought he could have my alone time like, just in the casual moments of now we're alone together we understand I get your like, no you don't get my like go away. In Middle School I was going to be done with this, I'm finding new friends, however for whatever reason I took the option Caylin's best friend gave me of sitting down at their lunch table. All friendly like. For whatever reason I was still hanging around with them after Caylin Shirran's childhood betrayal just before he moved away. I appeared to have a few potential ins, I was always entranced by the stoner kids and I've been close with one of them ever since the beginning of elementary school, I don't think I would fit in... I'd have to change. Changing feels like a sad looking thing to do. I would most certainly be giggled at if I started dressing like stoner. My in with the stoners always used to call me crackhead Rob, just at the absurdity of me ever being a crackhead. I liked it too, we went back. My paternal grandfather did do a lot of racist appreciation of his Filipinoness but he knew not to bother addressing it with me, shared looks will do. I think we may have spoken of it once but it didn't go any longer than three sentences.

Pretty much everybody knows the reason except for these people. And now it looks like I care by addressing it but I obviously do not... I pretty much have a handle on how this operates and how development operates and making a friends move isn't really worth it, it's unlikely I'd find anybody I like any better. Making the friends move looks like things to these people, looks like things to the people I'd attempt to declare superior. Meh. I'm just going to leave it. Just. I stand beside these kids, other kids, leave me alone.

When asking them why you do this kind of thing to me the response was "We're toughening you up, turning you into a man. You don't seem to be all that interested in doing or good at rough kid man stuff. You'd rather do other stuff. We think you hate and are afraid of rough kid man stuff even though it's actually just you're kind of bored of rough kid man stuff. We're going to make you see the only obvious way, you will become a man, you will like rough kid man stuff." Okay, well, you did man me up, but, no, it still isn't that I'm still not that. I do enjoy fighting, as I a bit did back then as well but a lot more now, but, I don't do it like rough kid man stuff I do it different. As I did then, you like wrestling fighting, that's not my style I don't know how to do that I don't know how to manhandle. Before you I would fight, I wouldn't necessarily say I enjoy the moment of fighting yet however I do enjoy the moment of winning. I don't hate taking pain from boys I just haven't got the taste for it yet. I don't like wrestling pain, too dull thud. In gym class I could actually be pretty damn good at rough kid man stuff and I generally liked it better. Baseball, I was pretty much the best hitter. Soccer I could really go places. I actually automatically run to the fullest of my ability and don't seem to care too much about what it does to me. Something went wrong.

There was a conversation very young about how no you have to learn to TAKE the dull thud pain, just take it, that's why we like to play like this, man us up. Well, no, I don't need the education on how to take it, I just don't want to, this isn't fun. I can pretty much take it, I guess all you're really teaching me is adopt man face rather than let out your feelings. I know you're feeling the same thing I'm not representing that I can't take it I'm just representing that I know how to release the feelings. But, I suppose it's useful education, I'm going to end up applying it better than you people do.

They would keep using the isolation techniques taught to them by the military kids, even though only one of the military kids remained, the one who first proposed the idea, Caylin's former best friend. Who at this point isn't even really that bad I still kinda hate him but I've seen worse. Run away from whoever does not conform to rough kid man stuff. Most often it was me. At this point it was entirely a game of giggling absurdity to ever do this. Well, okay, I don't want to hang out with you guys anyway. You doing this isn't going to make me reach for your friendship, quite the opposite. It's just... I don't want to be seen as alone. I don't want to be seen by the other kids as the kid who just got rejected and is now sitting there sad and alone. When I chase you it don't look so good. Looks like I want to be around you looks like I'm whimpering for you. So. I guess I'll just wander off school grounds somewhere. Alone. Isolated.

The other kids at school, every now and then one of the other kids would be all "Oh this one of the ones we make fun of, weird social goober we mock." however the other kids in the class were always all "No we don't really get this one." and even the kids who were doing this to me were all "No, he doesn't have any weird social goober to mock, you're just making shit up, we just seem to be isolating him for some reason." Eventually it became two little idiots in the first couple of months of high school who just frantically met my wall of deep emotional repression and processing dysregulation in a state of pure bliss over finally finding one of the ones they get to declare themselves upon thinking they look so cool to everyone who I believe was observing them from a similar state of mind as I was, I just let them make their really really really out of this world stupid off-jokes like making up for some reason that I spelled my own last name wrong when I obviously did not maybe you don't know how to spell my last name maybe you just found your own inner creativity.

Eventually one of the "Stupid parents" moments actually worked out for me, I was forced to move to Brandon where I could eventually attain reasonably high popularity amongst the high social nerd drama nerd aspects of the unpopular majority, I got to speak to the stoners, I was reasonably well respected amongst those in the popular minority who actually had their head on straight and were capable of communicating on the level of makes any sense to anybody. Before moving I didn't tell the rough kids anything about me moving or anybody in my high school anything about me moving until the day before I did it, the plan was to just disappear but it came out to the rough kids. Unfortunately it never came out to poor little adorable and innocent Jessica who I then emotionally isolated with my sociopath and deep emotional repression and processing dysregulation, we were clearly falling in like love and then on my last day we had a find ourselves walking home together moment where it clearly seemed to be becoming very much like love, she's clearly like loved me since the moment I started speaking to her in grade six and we often found ourselves in a complimentary position between her toxic feminine group and my toxic masculine group often battling each other for seemingly no reason. I just let her walk into her house as if it was a normal day we just had a beautiful little love moment conversation knowing that the next day I will be gone. All I had to think about it was "Hm. Pretty. Sorry Jessica." I gave you my thing Jessica. Not sorry Jessica. I didn't want to do that to you, you got caught in the crossfire. All adorable and innocent adorable and innocent. In this moment, it felt too late, I'm going to let you stay in your happy little love dream world for one more day. I think that's how it felt. I'm a sociopath. Well now only Alisha has to adorable and innocent keep "EEP, I kissed the chosen one." All adorable and innocent adorable and innocent. Maybe Alison I can't remember. Probably Alison. Little slut.

Then in university I isolated myself dramatically for the first year, went a little agoraphobic. The rest of university basically kinda isolated, these people are not what I hoped they would be, I thought this was where these people figure it out, they did not, I retain friendship outside of my classmates. I'm sure quite a few of them would be just fine, but, nope, still don't get my level, oh well. Some of them are probably pretty damn close. Meh.

Pretty much everyone in university you see isolate is thinking "I thought this where you people clean it up and I can be real, hold interesting conversations, you do not. Obviously I knew that I see how this unfolds into adulthood. Obviously at this point I couldn't possibly care less if these intellectual weiner self elevating into coolness dorks who think it's still high school but now we become dominant see me be a loner. Maybe two decades from now 5% of you will be capable of seeing this is the image that appears more sophisticated." *cigarette flick*

Also this is where we really refine our high speed crowd navigating. No, the... sky has nothing for you, what you want is that building over there. No conversation does not require you to stop moving.

There I appear to have covered it UP, I appear to look properly oblivious to how I am perceived. Nerd life of isolation.

In the dormitory lunch room, OH it's the... Intermingling process of small town western Canada, ego invested on too much American television as a child. No. No. ISOALTED. I would get looks for calling it "dormitory" eben dough is called residence, what do you want to be an American television as a child? No, I, uh, that's the word, I think what I want to be is more European I guess. I don't know. I did get a "You're hot come be friends with us." on my door, but I left a "Leave. I hate all you people." Oh he's a MISANTHROPE, okay that's a cooler type of this person. That got me almost invited into the cool club, however then when they began talking about it it seemed to hit my repressed memory complex and they realized I am within a keep it clean process and they became horrified of me. I didn't think it ended in murder but I would have known oh yes of course it ends in the words of kill yourself. This one would have got forced on me by the internet police, that one ended in murder. Okay... Grand action misdirected by the receiver, I guess what makes sense here is use your stupid what you think is the interconnected channel of brainwashing and send all of you massive amounts of cortizol and the awareness of yourself, then attain thought loop level one, attain thought loop level two, attain thought loop level three, attain thought loop level four, attain thought loop level five, die, release deep repress of all memories of this person existing and then remove all memory items that remind anybody of this person. Record names and records and display them to humanity.

Then my parents trapped me within a system of isolation, legally remove me from my life. Take away my twenties and thirties. If I wish to retain my life, go out and hang out with friends... I would be required to witness their "Okay, we can get through this." process. The deep darkness that falls over them, sometimes my mother may start crying. I know for the next five hours after I have left the house they are going through their psychological preparedness and management protocol, step by step, figuring out how they're going to get through this. As my father stares into the horizon contemplating the deeply serious threatening darkness that is life. The majesty of himself in this moment and the majesty of himself staring into the horizon. I knew playing with this was dangerous, anything that antagonized on the subject of me being permitted to live a life, there was a tunnel to my destruction, also I had another reason not to fight. Eventually they relocated us to Steinbach and cut off any and all access to my social life, or at least the in the same room as each other aspects of my social life, removed my ability to take a bus anywhere. Luckily I have strong legs, I can just walk for an hour if that's what I need to do.

Okay level two cognitive functioning now you have to picture a lot of big tough guy Kit Carruthers crying beyond the limits of sociopathic emotional superficiality. No, I do a very very pretty drama cry, that is not the nature of my vulnerability inhibition. It's kind of basically like one of the most important aspects of being a drugs hippie, no you have no struggle whatsoever with any form of realness particularly the release of emotion. It's one of the main reasons we have to isolate because now we all look like unreasonable crazy people, particularly when it breaks the passive aggressive society baseline at totally inappropriate moments. With level three cognitive functioning now the face that falls over level two cognitive functioning when we engage in the conversations level two cognitive functioning does not get to have with us pretty much drips of I'm going home and I'm killing myself. Then you have to look back at the word inhibition and how you always knew that was the word and that's how you always knew you are to never look at it just leave it let it fix itself because that is the stupidest fucking thing ever oh I'm inhibited am I need some intoxication to drop my up nosed society face do I, no it's just... It's the word. It automatically dehumanizes you for fighting your dehumanization, but, it's the word, we don't have a choice. My vulnerability inhibition is at the general public not at life in general. It never was at life in general but especially now that I'm drugs hippie. Stop. Stop humanistic psychology ego invested American. Your version of make Kit Carruthers palatable to an American television audience isn't going to do it for anybody else.

With BritSVT!ney Stravitz I was emotionally isolating her a liSVT!ttle inside of me by thinking Aria Wellington may actually be my favourite, then she died thinking she was my favourite. She wins. Aria Wellington would always look away from me in bed afterwards and it was driving me emotionally blitzballs. Then she borderline'd me hard with her vaguely psychopathic brain tweaking addiction and empath magic attempt at me and success at another about ten months after Britney Stravitz died by manipulating a not so great indie rocker into thinking he was one of us and he is to be her favourite we can still work together but I'm not going to be with you, because she was still within the borderline mission agenda of make me Kit Carruthers' favourite or else after the death of Britney Stravitz. After immediately seeing what she was doing, she learned I had declared her my favourite while Britney Stravitz was still alive, she ran away and I didn't speak to her again for well over a decade. She was entirely oblivious, isolated, for all she knew my ketamine self brainwashing against Britney Stravitz was reality.

Then I found my perfect could never hurt me in any way that I dislike Aria Wellington and Michael Stratsberg semi-admits his evil semi-conscious plan to destroy all comfortable love and happiness for me forever and trap me within the eternal isolation from any and all. We agreed he was the man to raise my children with Aria Wellington after my inevitable death, he was working on something that he was afraid he was planning to release AFTER my death, which he was fully consciously aware meant "Some of me MORE, some of me BETTER, some of me OVER" but unaware this means "Parts of your love belong only to me and Kit Carruthers can never have them. We have dark evil secrets together, the dark evil shadow looking down on him, we have long conversations about all of the things that make you better than Kit Carruthers and all of the things I hate about Kit Carruthers that I'm so happy I have you to resolve. In some ways I'm glad he's dead, because now I have you. In some ways." We declare that move a little ego invested, Michael Stratsberg. You still had problems. Luckily all of my soul mates came to my rescue and declared with a screeching we love Kit Carruthers resolve after that move Michael Stratsberg is somebody nobody can trust with love, he is to be forever isolated. Any semblance of ego investment in a circle of comfortable casual free love introduces a bit of a nightmare, we can't do it with you. Maybe you felt like the right choice because Aria Wellington is going to require somebody to emotionally abuse.

Then I learn from my repressed memory functions my cousin Julia established a system of false warmth empath love upon me in childhood hoping to draw false impressiveness out of me and destroy it once she learned of my family history of Freemasonry and my mysterious story eben dough she da one who born wiff magic empaff. Our entire childhood cousin marriage was a lie everything that is her everything is a lie.

Alright. ARIA WELLINGTON. We are done. We are done forever. I will never trust you. You know that. You know there's NOTHING you could ever do that would let me trust you. This imprint hammering me actually did entirely cut off the ability to love all the way to 100% complete for a moment, I had to find it again through paranoia scrambling. Alright then, now I've got some work to do here, let's go over every woman who's ever loved me.

Kim Appelt in high school, magic empath... I think I can trust that one though as she would accidentally empath magic me and then get annoyed and take it down, if that one were a clever ploy that one goes too far, at the point of highschool only Kit Carruthers would be able to think that one up and then pull it off. I was noticing very obvious cracks in her empathic feelings whoomph around me and then eventually a pretty much entirely different resting bitch face than with any of the others, but, I am paranoid psychotic, so. She did INITIATE with me with false lovie dovie empath, but, she was a highly misanthropic person who would never go initiating with anybody else with false lovie dovie empath so I'll take that as genuine false lovie dovie empath. She did read my intense casual paranoia and intense casual intellectual belittlement and that pretty much paralyzed her and made her all the more in love but then she decided to empath flash me to make herself maintain face as the oblivious adorable idiot so I have no problem with saying the intense casual paranoia and intense casual intellectual belittlement remains to this day, just for being a magic empath you are isolated.

Her initial approach to me was obviously, oh new kid oh I'm definitely manipulating this kid into oblivion, then she was informed by her overarching team that this one is actually high chosen one, considerably higher than you, then oh okay I guess I'll go fall in love with him. This kind of thinking obviously doesn't bother me, that's obviously a head on straight, what bothers me is just... Who you think you are, then, okay cover it up, then you just get a brand new who you think you are.

Britney Stravitz, whatever. That one won.

Alisha kissing me final in childhood was a sad attempt to hurt me and whimper at me simultaneously, she went in with the assumption of false lovingness at me, found genuine lovingness within about a day, found that at the point she kissed me final I was growing heavily distasteful of her, belittling of her intelligence I expect people of level three cognitive functioning to be able to match me entirely if you can't do it I guess I'll never have anybody. She meant to leave me with all I did was hurt sweet adorable Alisha, but, she incidentally cut off all belittling of her intelligence so all I really got left with is there was an Alisha and for awhile we adorably wanted to marry each other because children, when I mention her in writing I guess I'll just have to say the wedding is off. You're isolated.

I went too far. As a child I would use my analysis and sharp wit to paralyze level two cognitive functioning logic and then beat the ever loving shit out of them to the point of knockout and then a little further, broken ribs, broken wrists, almost a broken arm, almost a broken vertebrae, I learned to hard hammer it in there quick because they're always bigger than me and they always think they can initiate with level two cognitive functioning logic and their more threatening stature. It ended in one murder. I always know what I am, I know I get away with it, somebody comes and covers it up, what are you gonna do? Repress the memory, only leave with I should be in juvie.

So, I was that, that's why I was so attractive, I pretty much started using it. Then with her I guess it got a little out of hand. That was my own personal I guess I'm all alone problem, I'm sorry Alisha. Yes it had a lot of I know you're manipulating me in it, which you were, but you didn't mean it, you were innocent. I did it with feminist feelings not misogynist feelings. Thank you for hitting me back. I know afterwards you would innocently manipulate yourself into a deeper innocent you evil me. Poor you. I knew what I was doing.

So, that got me the first keep it clean policy brainwashing, the second came in grade five when I paralyzed Jordan Shelest, the son of a bully cop, with ego investment logic and then beat the shit out of him, the third came in grade eight when I paralyzed Jordan Shelest, the son of a bully cop, with ego investment logic and then beat the shit out of him. The second Jordan Shelest one the rough kid man stuff kids actually remembered but I didn't get to keep it. I guess that was when they finally shut up. Then when I moved to Brandon I guess a handful of the rough kid man stuff kids decided to try to out intimidate me on internet messaging in their repressed memory window but that one I kept with the opposite ego investment logic. Then on Facebook when I was like twenty I told Jordan Shelest "Haha you hurt my feelings when we were children and now you're fat and have no friends." Then when we were in the middle of something else I figured as long as we're giving orders may as well clean him up this was a long time coming, I don't think this is going to do what I want it to do to my karma I'm pretty sure this one will only bring me flowers and teddy bears and boxes of chocolate in the next life. It was the... The super over the top one, the all of the things that hurt until you're completely paralyzed and incapable of screaming one. So, at least that.

I hit Alison a lot too. That's why she kept wanting to hit me as well. And molest me. My mother took her as too dangerous for her soft innocent little child. She didn't like that Marla girl either... She thought that one was really unnecessarily savage. I was all, yeah I guess she's a little loopy, she has her reasons. Women are just as bad as boys you know, worse even. Yeah I guess, sorta, not really. Stop educating me. Marla, sorry, my mother did a lot of "No you hate her" work on me, "I see you hate her, I see your feelings you don't understand your feelings you're a boy." that went to blatant communication of "I'm working on your developmental memory brainwashing." except with the word brainwashing made into the one that makes it real, I guess she picked it up from somewhere else, there was clearly a lot of level two cognitive functioning learning how to turn level three cognitive functioning into the real one at that place, it pretty much just caused you to get phased out of my memory structure I didn't really turn you into anything. You were still there, but you were pretty much just a blank item with the label crazy bitch. By adulthood this label had become purely positive, I didn't remember you, I assumed annoying crazy bitch, but I didn't see anything wrong with annoying crazy bitch I was sure you turned out fine, however unfortunately by that time your life had already been entirely ruined by what came out of my mouth at you. I'd tell my mother on you, but, unfortunately at the point of realizing this I've already done so much work on her that her's would turn into the opposite and make her very happy and then go away. Those two always wondered why I never hit Alisha, we're of the same level of cognitive functioning, it drove them marbles. I didn't yet. I know you thought she was manipulating me, when you brought it up all you got was "Yeah I know, she told me." The event with Marla was it for me with Alison as well. It destroyed the both of them emotionally, Marla almost died a number of times and had to be narcaned. You were always my favourite, don't kill yourself. They thought I... I isolated them out of the club of chosen. I got isolated from them. They're fine, they maintaiend a chosen. God's not giving them a choice.

All of the parents around were all "Aw 'dats cute, he gets to get that one over wiff at age nine 'dat ones awkward later." We were already hands over pants S&M. I think I'm being overly dramatic, I don't know what I feel. I don't have to feel it you have to feel it. I think I know you're going away. I mean it, I don't mean it. I'm just gonna leave it, figure it out empath. Eventually obviously she got where I wanted her to be with the hitting, at which point she had to say but I told you about my condition. At which point I made fun of her for whimpering but I told you and said I'm still gonna beat you. I will find every genuine acknowledgement of your intelligence that I can. Least favourite. FIGURE IT OUT, BITCH.

Yes obviously it went all U JUS TINK U CAN BE BIG TOUGH GUY BEAT US UP IN WORDS EBEN DOUGH WE BIGGER TOUGH GUY. Then those one's got a broken wrist. Den dey tought dey could beat me if dey use red rober. Den I broke red rober and did it anyway. Maybe you should stop sending me to childhood babysitting programs that take place in church basements, mother. Ego investment build eventually declared them impossible to paralyze. At this point I pretty much had to give it up, establish the wall, isolate. The girls of my level of cognitive functioning are going quiet and disappearing. Alone... Alone...

Then I got addicted to murder. I took out another five kids. And I guess their parents after they looked at their own internal responses to what happened.

Jessica obviously went way over the top into false empath laughter at my humour initially, easily detectable, I am that funny but if you're that impressed with it something is off. Obviously another genuine false empath, habitual behaviour. Our relationship together was genuine, I got to see the dark edge underneath her adorable empath magic. But, nevertheless I pretty much just got left with sweet and adorable, even though I know she wasn't. She saw my face but she didn't want to read it. So I guess that dark edge slut I found on Facebook afterwards that I tried to reconnect with was in fact her, I didn't accidental creep a random. Oh well she gets to be left... If that is in fact her and that one little incident is the one that drove her from sweet and adorable into dark drugs edge slut that's pretty fucking sad. You're isolated.

All three of you magic empaths get to live, you're isolated but you can live, you're too useful. The other two never required the isolation. I'm-I'm obviously not sorry, I'm sorry we all had to be this with each other. I'm sorry your parents had to cry themselves to death when they thought you hit your final narcan, Marla.

I guess with Aria Wellington I'm just going to have to realize... My perfectly embodied empty superficial image is the most impressive one on the planet, I have successfully emotionally isolated past her to the point she is locked into not questioning. I am paranoid psychotic monitoring her every facial expression and she has no possibility of finding a comfortable safety level falseness, she knows any attempt to destroy me emotionally will be met with her destruction, eventually it will be spotted. I have a good handle on mental manipulation all the way to magic and she knows I'm capable of just as much cruelty as her within this department. If it were not for me emotionally isolating past her into literal forever death she would be nothing and have nothing. I can declare safety in the fact that she knows I will never declare safety. Position? No, I can't declare safety in my position... What about her position inside of herself? That one will always be suspicious. It's okay, though, now I know how to kill an empath, otherwise who knows what she gets lost in getting me lost in things, who knows.

And then I understand Julia understands and has destroyed herself. And then it's just... The concept of paranoid isolation hurts so much I need it to keep hurting me worse so I can hurt it with it's hurting me. Even though all my stupid borderline urges mammal glitch was already solved by Aria Wellington fulfilling it. This time it's just at the wall of paranoid isolation. YAY I got to do it again.

Then you have to sort through the fucking brain and look for all of your paranoia options, fucking I thought I got this shit over with in my teenage years this shit is fucking embarrassing, all of the potentialities within cultural conditioning and other people's awarenesses of the options within vulnerability inhibition, great I guess go over this again in adulthood anyway it makes the semi-conscious cleaner. Yeah I haven't really seen Kim Appelt since high school what if she's still in high school what if I'm still in high school like neither of us really were then particularly me but potentially. I know she played the part of high school for a moment just to hurt me inside of herself but luckily everybody she spoke to knows she doesn't ever find anybody worth that shit and she doesn't care about that shit. All of these women may still want to hurt me, I don't know if I've properly nullified their feminine problems with my masculine problems. Oh and dammit I guess I'm still a child as well... Why don't I get a mommy? Because I don't care, I didn't care then and I don't care now brain. Oh I've experienced so much isolation what if my love don't work right, oh that makes my love not work right does it? I hate you brain.

Remember, when it's real so is half of the false artificial compilmenet and I don't even care about it, no I obviously never would have dreamed of using my condition in that manner it's just an acknowledgement of the paranoid isolating brain glitch. Oh well it's covered UP. There. Figure out that one I think. I'll get to my feelings for you once the plan is properly compiled. I won't have to initiate the plan again, I'm pretty sure, now that I've already made an example of one of you. Oh and I'll be making an example of the other one, but, that one actually does hit the emotional glitching more passively.