Ineffable Ontological Detanglement .: Introspective Assistance & Mental Analysis Manual
Alright Mr. Caylin Shirran. Don't play with your own repressed memory functions on my repressed memory functions.
I don't know what the hell, but, it seems to have come out of my military training compartmentalization. I told you a story about a guy on the internet who made up his own religion and turned it into a video game and I gave him a very obvious statement of woah cool man 'dats awesome you're a normal guy. I was thirteen, it seemed appropriate, looking back that's actually very adorably awesome that's actually a very adorable thirteen year old loon when looking at the range of his other life accomplishments, it fits. He's a DJ, a hacker, he's psychedelic, he's been building a big fat social circle from the start of adorably DJ-ing at anime conventions when he was an adorable twelve year old, around the time I also found indie rock he turned me onto psytrance and experimental industrial and ambient and then from there into the full range of experimental electronic, from which I eventually defeated him but that was definitely my most important musical exposure. He turned me onto proper sequencer software, no I didn't pirate it as a teenager no I didn't. I didn't have money I wanted to pay for it now I pay for it. For whatever reason you were able to repressed memory flash me now you believe you gave him a genuine fake and I believe you admitted it. I'm keeping internet nerd, I'm turning you into whimpering and shameful over it. NUH UH, that was in the future you idiot, I didn't become an internet nerd until after you left and all I had around me was people I couldn't speak to.
Apparently this was just our relationship, over and over and over this is all we're seeing, you're building the better delusional complex, you're winning. As we fall more and more in love with each other, I guess underlying within your compartmentalization never looked at you have a big fat string of false repressed memories. And then you mysteriously betrayed me and spread them around as much as possible, I didn't know what to do about it, I thought that level of evil games of pretend fantasy and not pretend reality interconnecting whatever it doesn't matter whatever works it's funny was for everybody BUT us. I didn't know what the fuck it was but I knew by your face it was pure evil. I know it had played with lego and had stuffed animals until the age of twelve in it, that was real, I know from there it went off all over the fucking place. I stand by it, I don't think that shamed me out of stuffed animals I still liked my stuffed animals. It may have entered semi-consciously and made me realize eventually this is going to have to go, eventually. I'm still keeping them, they have feelings, my children can have them. I even considered well I can just move them from my bed and keep my favourites on the top shelf of my closet. Fucking. I would. But I have to be palatable I'd look like a werido when friends come over so FINE.
HAY. HAY EVERYONE. SO DID HE THAT'S WHY HE KNEW. HE LOVED IT TOO. I even said that when the rough kid man stuff kids confronted me about it. I believe you almost cried.
Okay, well, the PLAN was to phone you in BC and confront you about it but when I got to it I realized... No, now that's just... Whimpering and... I do still like you I don't know why the fuck that happened that's perplexing. Something is telling me it's fine leave it alone it just happens put it out of your mind. I don't know what to do with that, but, feels accurate, I don't even really want to dirt you to the bottom of your personhood and in the future I'm pretty sure that isn't even the brainwashing I'll just put you out of my mind. Whatever, my statement is I'm still playing the game leave you all alone with what you did I guess. I guess. One day I will come to you with the peace pipe and figure it out. I know it's gonna be military kid pathetic. At least everybody else thought I followed through with it like I said I was gonna, so, that still puts you in your place.
It just falls out of the isolation game compartmentalization. It's all fucked up. I know you didn't mean it. Guess what happened next? My military training compartmentalization says I need to go murder everybody at school labeled military but not labeled friend, grab a knife from the kitchen when my parents are asleep, wait until there's no children or teachers around, their compartmentalization will know submit when they see it and clean it up, this isn't supposed to be seen at public schools it makes you two look weird it makes the military look weird. We'll cover it up for you, these kids never existed on paper or in memory, we'll clean up the knife for you and put it back before your parents ever become aware. Enter your parents into a brainwashing and enter your entire school into a brainwashing.
Guess what else is in there? A psychological establishment counter brainwashing that says YER NOT ALLOWED DO THAT TO PEOPLE YOU NEED STOP THAT TOO EVIL THESE KIDS ARE INNOCENT ADORABLE SOCIETY FLOWERS. It doesn't... All it did was hard hammer a deep compartmentalization within me that says YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND FULL CONSCIOUS MURDERER THAT GOES AGAINST THE PROPER COMPARTMENTALIZATION OF SEMI-CONSCIOUS BRAINWASHED MURDERER AND FUCKS UP YOUR BLOOD STREAM MAKE YER HAND ALL NUMB FOR MAYBE REST OF LIFE MAKES YOU GASP IN POTENTIAL HEART ATTACK HORROR LOSS OF LUNG FUNCTION DUE TO IMPROPER BRAIN SCRAMBLE YOU EVIL CHILD FOR HAVING MILITARY BRAINWASHING.
Yes, it... It registers different. It doesn't MATTER, the way the brain operates is not making a STATEMENT at the proper reality of the way things should operate it just registers different. Death happened. Yeah it's... Complicated. It's a complicated concept. We know. We're in military training we understand death. There are varying levels of registering action, these ones have to go to the top all I get to keep is vessel. Fucking I Kit Carruthers will attempt to take credit for these murders if you really want me to, I WANT THEM. I don't really get to have them. I get to have something though, it's pretty cool. I wished you'd let me take a few of the ones labeled friend. I think at this point it was pretty mellowed into tolerable they're fine.
Apparently the military training says if you lose the game of delusional memory scramble now you release your repressed memory window flash on as many people as you can all day every day, everyone you speak to, you see a new person on the street you release your repressed memory window scramble. Now they know to isolate you. Okay, well, I guess that works Mr. ego snap, thank you, I want to be isolated. But, uh, I'm taking that out of there, nobody signed on for delusional memory scramble isolation. The isolation complex works just fine without all this shit.
HAY. You know what I found in my repressed memory structure? You saying you raped your cousin even though it was obvious your cousin raped you because you wanted to be big tough guy show you were the one who was in charge. I thought at the time, this is one of those ones where soft gentle society psychology actually hard hammer defeats the military kid and I had to run into your back yard giggling.