Ineffable Ontological Detanglement

I'm walking to work, I'm wearing my jacket. This guy pulls up beside me all hey I work at Purolator, you want a ride? I was all, well I guess I must know this guy let's see who this is. No I don't know this guy. Why the fuck are you giving off pedophile vibes to a nineteen year old? You... You don't look much older than me. I feel... I feel threateningly locked. WELL, okay, I guess, let's see where this goes. You know I do know that I'm... Kinda. Like. Okay then. This isn't going to bother me as much as you think it is I'm pretty cool with this kind of thing.

You do know me you know, we went to school together, I'm Jeff Theisen. Remember? Garfield school. I told you this is Garfield school everybody here likes Garfield. Everyone's like WELL. WELL. WELL. I only like some of the humour, I only like kitties. Yeah but look at his face that means you're not supposed to look at it. You were like. You were like. You were like. You were like. You were like. You were like. Well obviously I don't like this things face. Look this is repressed memory humour. That's why everybody finds the owner so funny he's full of repressed memories and you know it. Okay let's do this.

I KNEW IT. HAH. WHAT. I didn't know that shit but I knew this was happening. Alright get it over with have fun. Prostate.

Now I'm in the parking lot at work, all I know is I got a ride from some guy. Seemed nice. Good thing he wasn't a pedophile he felt like pedophile. Then this guy Jeff Theisen comes to work airside, apparently people were having problems with him at the depot. Oh hey you right I remember you, I got a ride from some guy who worked at the depot, I thought he was a pedophile, good thing it was just Jeff Theisen, he's worked here this entire time. We pretty much get reasonably close, he's a very angry person but he generally has pretty cool things to say, every sentence has at least two fucks in it. Fucking fuck. Okay. Well. You've got some kind of repressed thoughts repressed memory thing going on. It's why you're so full of rage. Oh well whatever we can talk you're alright.

No I have no problem with fags. No I have no problem with fags. Okaayy... Well, I use that kind of funny language with homosexuals as well, when I say fag it feels different, I don't say it like that. You say you're liberal, in this one you sound like a fascist. It's okay if you're a fag, Jeff, it's okay. You're liberal. I guess that must be one of the repressed thoughts. Hm.

No you didn't. No you didn't take one hundred hits of acid and blitz out a few years ago. No you didn't. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait maybe you did. No. No you didn't. No that isn't how mescaline operates. No you didn't. I'll believe former meth addict though, that feels accurate.

He really really wants my admiration, he has it sometimes, but then he flies off the handle into potential murder on workplace competency problems. I'm with you a lot of the time, Jeff, I see the same problems. Can comes in the plane, push can. Everybody takes two to ten seconds to float at every single God damned can, even though it's just can comes in the plane, push can. I get it. You have to adopt a certain sense of humour about this kind of thing, there's a certain psychological outlining. You're of the second level of cognitive functioning, but, for whatever reason you don't seem to have ego investment, you're reasonably unfiltered. I guess it's all the weed. Eventually I let him have it over this, I adopted the stance of how do you know I don't carry a knife to work, jokingly, I think, just knowing him, but also knowing him he admired me too much to ever hit me, but, that's what you do with him, the brain just knows. The guy operating the lift says "You made him CRY. He just ran away CRYING. BIG TOUGH GUY JEFF, YOU MADE HIM CRY."

I did carry a knife to work. But I'm pretty sure I always left it in my backpack in my locker.

You don't have any ego investement, but you have this twisted evolution of ego investement that actually maintains a pretty brilliant system of ego protection... You don't care about yourself, you're just as willing to be destroyed intellectually and emotionally as you are willing to be destroyed or destroy yourself physically, but don't touch it, don't test it, you never know what might happen to you if you think you can just abuse my system and be real with me.

Eventually me and two other guys were having a conversation in the Denny's near work as we were waiting for the next schedule of planes to come in. We start talking about how Jeff likes to kick in the smoke detectors on the plane, they keep hitting him in the head. One of the guys is all UH. WHAT. That's really illegal. I'm all... He keeps... Insisting that these are a relic of when these used to be passenger planes, I just kind of left it I didn't know what to do with it. I did a little thought repression work on his statement of one day I will have ALL OF THEM. There's like a blurry mess of "Whos... cares... assholes... yous assholes... Right? Right? :D" Then the other guy was all... Are you gonna do it? Are you finally gonna get him fired? I'm all... YEP. Let's do it. Let's solve a problem. I feel like a fake ass, as far as he knows we're friendly, and we kinda are. But. I know a problem when I see a problem.

A few years later, an old friend from work knows I'm dealing now, comes to me for weed, brings Jeff. I spill it, I'm one of the ones responsible for getting you fired. I started talking about you and the smoke detectors. I guess you can have that other guy is the one who blabbed, it's true he did, I know everybody at work needs to hate that guy so I guess you can have it. I'm not piling on I kinda like him sometimes, try to watch my tone make sure I don't express anything one way or the other. That's pretty much always my tone anyway. There were moments of people saying I think you're the one who can destroy that guy, he actually gets into conversations with you hoping to impress you and you kinda engage with him friendly for awhile and then take him down. Yes, yes I do. I still like him better than you people.

Oh, and anybody at Purolator who saw that other guy on the news working at a homeless shelter and thought oh good looks like he's turned his life around, the centre of the selfish self interested universe came to some conclusions and turned his life around. No. Apparently he came across some of my early writings and broke his brain, he went on a mission to demonstrate to God and Kit Carruthers that he is actually capable of displaying himself as a hero, he didn't realize people watching him be this hurts more than being this helps. He thought my work on self interest and greed and centre of the universe-ism was for him personally. Even though... I was like... You're alright, bit of a weasel, I can pretty much tolerate it. Sometimes I don't mind when you weasel fuck a company, you took it too far but it isn't seen as much of an offense to me. Weasel fucking your marriage is a different story, that was where I started to lose the ability to appreciate you, but, it really shouldn't matter to you everybody within my perception really just falls into the same blur. If you feel the urge to try to impress me in order to redeem yourself you've already blown it. You're already within the subsection of the blur who will never have any of their life actions acknowledged one way or the other. Don't try to impress me, I mean do try to impress me but don't ego invested try to impress me. Wait no. Don't try to impress me, keep it contained keep it comfortable. I'm not looking for it. But I'll see it.

I had to do a passive aggressive smack back at Jeff. He was basically implying his dead car may well incur the alerting of the authorities. I said you better not call anybody then... You wouldn't them to find a drug dealer who carries an illegal weapon blitzed out on ketamine. I'm close enough to home, I'll just walk I don't mind long walks. I didn't know why it was a threat, but I knew it was a threat. Then I left and decided it wasn't a threat I guess I just wanted to sound hardcore. I'm just gonna remove the face I gave him and the part where my finger was running towards my pocket and keep the rest, I'm sure he did the same.

It was just a weighing of the potentialities, potential clean up issues, he clearly has absolutely no connections that could ever come find me if I left him he's all talk, he's paralyzed by the pulse, logic says not worth it. Ketamine pretty much allows you to play with the purest of true murder intent feelings that become entirely clear to the person immediately, this is real. The thing is with ketamine though is that you're... Not... So much playing with it. Because if you think about the fact that you're playing with him it pretty much undoes it, so, in the moment, no, you're not playing with him, you find out later I guess I was playing with him. However, yes, the path from my back pocket to his neck was already well planned out and followed through with in my head. Yes, back pocket, I know what I'm doing.

After this event he owes me twenty bucks. He says he's just gonna leave one of his bongs here otherwise he knows he'll never come back to pay it, he knows how he operates. Alright I guess fine whatever. BAM. Garfield bong. RIGHT THERE. BYE. Okay Jeff bye bye.